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26 November 2008 @ 04:01 am
I was born here. I hate it here. I want to leave here and go back to my home in Tennessee. I want to be with my boyfriend whom I miss terribly. I want to lay with him. I want it the way it always is. We lay in his bed and hold each other while watching house or some other stupid show that is pointless. The important thing is we are together. We can't be together if I am here and he is there. here and there is not together. I hate here and there. Make here and there go away!!! Please make it go away. I beg of you!!! stop the pain and bring the smiles!! Smiles so big they are interrupted with kisses and " I Love You" I do love you so much words can not describe. I thought I loved him but he was before I found you. he is not you and could never be you. He couldn't even hope or pray to be you because you are one in a million. You are mine. As I am yours. We are each others!!!
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Current Mood: boredbored
26 November 2008 @ 03:53 am
It's an obsession!! I think
breathe want and feel
It! I want to live for just
a moment when someone who
loved me with that unconditional
heart burning ever wanting
passion. wow!!

Current Location: kansas
Current Mood: sadsad
24 November 2008 @ 04:35 am
It's 4:36 a.m. and I am up. I haven't even drifted off to 5 minutes of sleep. I have to wake up at 5:15 because my family is driving the 12 long and dreadful hours to Wichita, Kansas. I have to say I am not looking forward to this trip at all. I don't like visiting my moms family. It's so boring and I am dreading the week away from my wonderful boyfriend Gabriel. Why must I go away from you sweet soul?? Oh how I will miss you! That is probably why I am up so late. I am a worrier. I worry about everything. The other night Gabe really worried me. See I was upset because we were supposed to be celebrating our 11 month anniversary. I was hoping he would surprise me and actually take some initiative to plan a "date". But like always I was just disappointed. I was mad and we ended up just sitting in silence for about an hour. Finally I asked him what was wrong and he told me nothing he just didn't know what to say. After 11 months how could you not find something to say? I told him I couldn't keep getting my hopes up and being lt down and I guess he thought I wanted to break up because he said,"Well maybe you happier with someone who could make you happy." I started bawling. I cried for about 30 minutes sobbing out nearly in-understandable " I don't wanna break ups" He said that because he thought I wanted to break up but I thought he was just ready to give up. It really scared me. Now I am worried that things won't be the same. How can I know for sure he wants to be with me if he doesn't normally talk about his feelings? Sometimes I wish I could just have an Edward. Someone who cares more about me than anything else in this world because all the time he has lived he has searched for me and finally found me. To be so in-love it takes over your entire self would be..... incredible. I am totally obsessed with Edward. No not the fictional character Edward but the way Stephenie Meyer wrote his thoughts and feelings is so indescribably perfect. Who wouldn't want to date an Edward? I feel that an Edward for me is somewhere out there, but right now I have a Gabriel Anderson Kemp who is more than great fo me right now.
Current Location: my room
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
16 November 2008 @ 10:45 pm
So I am up late again because I have this problem.
See I lay down, close my eyes, and drift off to dream
land when all of a sudden........ I am Hit with an over-whelming
sensation of the only way I can describe it is an adrenaline rush every
where. I hate it. I anticipate it every night and it has gotten worse
since summer time. I don't know whether it is anxiety from up coming college acceptance
or being scared of the future but I know there is something deep down inside
that is gnawing at me!!!!! I need peace!!

I want to write stories!! I aspire to write a brilliant love story like Twilight!
Maybe I could write them on here. would anyone want to read them??
10 November 2008 @ 03:38 pm
      This is my first entry............
          I have always wanted to do a blog, but what should I write in it? Since none of my friends really
           use Live Journal I guess I could say anything I want, But nothing really spectacular happens in my life.
        so Maybe I will Read other people's so that I can get some ideas. Yeah! That sounds good.
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Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: blahblah